“Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill
He treasures up his bright designs
And works His sovereign will.”
— William Cowper
“This doesn’t feel real,” I thought to myself. I was sitting on the floor, watching the timer on the phone count two minutes, three minutes, five minutes. Yes, both lines were still there. It’s positive. I’m pregnant …
We’d only been married less than fifty days, so this was definitely a surprise. I’ve always wanted to be a mom — dreamed of it since I was a little girl playing “house” with my sisters — but now that I had a real man, a real home, and now … a real baby, the prospect felt weighty and bit overwhelming. I’m only just now learning how to be a wife, and now, I’m a mom?
I barely had a chance to let the news sink in before my husband walked in the door from work. Of course, I told him that evening. He laughed and cried and said he was so excited and that I would be a great mom. We couldn’t help thinking of the ‘what if’s’ — will our landlords upstairs let us stay with a crying baby in their basement? Should I still accept the job I was interviewing for, knowing that in nine months I’d have to step down again? What about …
But we realized we couldn’t go there. I had been mulling over God’s providence and especially Cowper’s hymn “God moves in a mysterious way.” Clearly, this was God’s hand, God’s timing, and God’s gift. We couldn’t look back. Instead, we had the excitement of looking forward in faith, knowing God would provide each step of the way as we trusted him. Quite literally, God had fashioned us a gift in his “deep, unfathomable minds” and that gift was a bright design, the work of his sovereign will.
Of course, we’re thrilled. My husband now kisses me and the baby goodnight, and I love it. I’ve spent enough time around young families to know babies aren’t all frills and cuteness; they come with a lot of sleepless nights too! But all the same, I can’t wait, but this little person is God’s gift to us, God’s ministry calling on our lives to raise a little one in the Lord.
More and more, it’s the reality of living by faith in this new season that excites me. Our culture says you have to line everything up before you have a kid: your own house, stable jobs, and plenty of time just as a couple before you start. Instead, we get to watch God lead and provide as I faithfully follow his leading to be a stay-at-home mom, to love each child God brings, and trust him with the rest.
I wrote that 9 weeks ago — and hard to believe I’m already in my second trimester! The Lord’s already taught me so much through this journey, and it’s been amazing to watch Him provide what we need — whether a part-time, from home job for me, to our landlords actually being super excited about the baby! Even more, every day that goes by, I fall more in love with my baby and can’t imagine what life would be like without the expectation that soon we’ll be parents!